the · hard · way

so here's what ive been up to:
i was on a coed softball team! it was super fun-i played shortstop. i got my nose broke.

my familly moved to mashes sands beach. Ive luckily avoided a job for 9 weeks! Fish and i walk down to the beach every morning.

sassy now believes that she is a dog and follows us everwhere.

here is the beach house! there is a canal in our back yard that goes out to the ocean!

fisher is way happier out here! he's almost 2. He thinks he's a mountain goat.

cute robin balling...

2 familys become 1

this alligator showed up for the reception-

im really excited and exausted.
i joined womans world for 15 months!

last night i had a dream that i was running from all the huge alligators by climbing up these huge trees but they could climb them too, then i got to this house on the beach where some buddies were hanging and realized i was going into labor. my mom kept tellling me to get someone to catch the baby and i kept telling her to go get jill to do it and when she left i gave a little push and this wiggly very tan barbie baby jumped out into my hands but i couldnt hold on and she flailed on the ground like a fish and i was horrified that her neck was broke cause i dropped her, but then i picked her up and put her on my belly and she smiled real big then went to sleep on me, smiling.

I love the idea of raising a daughter, but knowing how fuct up i was as a kid/teen would make me terrified for her. I would be so fucking overprotective that she would hate me. hmm. I guess it's important to also mention that Jon doesnt want to have anymore kids and is looking into a vasectomy and it's smart and right but it gives me a small saddness knowing my womb's duty is over.

heres a honeymoon picture:

i havent gotten my hands on pics from the wedding yet, but when i do i will post the shit out of them!!!!

p.s. I want to have a ladies night. how does thursday night sound? We'll get some wine and food and throw out a blanket at lake ella witha boom box, or someones backyard and take it fucking easy-dressed up of course.

i am very happy.
i am also really fucking sad.
i am currently covered in baby food, tears, sand and samrat.

i feel a tornado of emotions. about my relationships with my own confidence, uncooth friends, shitty men and alcohol.
im glad jon is my rock, as i am unstable as the ocean. I hate my inability to kill shitfaces, and i love the hope in my heart.
heres to a pretty future,
mj

i just watched 50 first dates for like the 15th time, and still balled my eyes out the whole movie.

in 7 days i will be having SIN-LESS mouth-to-mouth,ass-to-mouth,ass-to-ass,clam-todick-tofinger-tobutt-tosweatyballs-andslimypussylips,tolegs-to eyeball sex.
YEAH!

Also, according to tha gossip-,
ding dong the witch is dead friends!
Sarah sky has finally moved to a new town!
I cant even express the excitement of being able to go to the oaf house, or KIU, or bars and pot lucks and PUBLIX with or without my son and not have to worry about some mean drunk cunt stabbing me in the face...or back! YEAh for the end of summer! yeah for the end or tyrannies! yeah for ass to mouth!

and now i'd like to show off my amazing 6ft tomato plants...

and a baby dragon:

today i went to lounge out on a yard chair and saw a spider, i flipped over the chair and saw one of the largest black widows ive ever seen. i almost puked and then jon put it into a baby food jar and i got super pist cause duh, those things can fucking kill you. He took it to work, where im sure all the dudes in the lab are playing with it under their microscopes right now.
god i fucking hate spiders-i shoulda took a pic of it though cause it was kind of beautiful in that " goth girl on crack and has a knife and wants to stab you" kinda way.
the end.

i want to lose 20 lbs. I feel real crazy about it cause i got to do it in a healthy way and i know i used to be super fit but i walked everyday for two hours-and it's just too hot for me to make fisher go out with me.
this summer after all the dieting, excercise, juicing, fasting-nothing fucking took the weight off for the wedding-then i got sick a week ago and lost 5 pounds and feel amazing and now can fit into my fat dress. Im trying real hard to stay posi but it used to be so easy to be in shape and now it's just ridiculously fucking hard. when fall gets here i am going to be a jogging machine.
In other news-fuck social anxiety! Thanks to some lovely friends i feel less horrified of going to the store, and walking around the lake again!
cute picture of my tough baby-

we were fishing at this park on the river when jon unknowingly through his cast net onto a fucking gigantic manatee right next to him in waist deep water-it was pretty much the most horrifying nature experience ever-it freaked out and made a huge splash and i thought a gigantic alligator was attacking jon and i nearly stabbed a manatee.

Fisher used to seem so tiny when he was near sassy-

now...

seriously-fisher still makes me tear up daily from his sweetness.

I miss you, friends. I have another fucking ulcer so im on mega juice and aloe diet. I actually lost a few pounds this week and it feels awesome. I feel real inspired to quit smoking, quit drinking coffee, and start hitting the green again, cause seriously-alcohol is fucking killing my body and it's real creepy that im having physical problems from drinking-I kinda think it was all the pain killers from getting all those teeth pulled but i should assume it's all of it. shitty diet of fries and sodas, wine and ciggs.
anyways-ive excercised everyday for 3 days and am am excited to have energy cause my baby is only waking up like 3 or 4 times at night instead of 10 or 15. I hope you guys are fucking awesome!

fisher loves the yard rats


this is my garden! Ive been working on it for a month! cantelopes, sunflowers, basil, catnip, tomatoes, cilantro, aloe, flowers, watermelon!

tomorow i am getting 4 teeth pulled, and a gold cap 3 teeth left of my snaggletooth. filling numerous cavities and getting fit for FUCKING DENTURES. I grew up on highway 20 so i know it's totally normal, but goddamn!I'll officailly be missing 8 teethn till tha dentures arrive. It's all going to be worth it if my mom doesnt mind throwing in a couple more bens for a ruby in one of my fronts, or maybe a cheap sparkly grill.
Lots & lots of pain killers comming my way. if you love me bring me soup and wine.

two years ago If anyone would have asked me if i could ever see myself married with children i would have puked from laughing so hard...
I love getting older, getting wiser, getting happier, getting away from the old punk life that used to leave me either totally depressed frm being around assholes constantly, and being depressed cause i always lived in places with NO A/C because my friends would think im stupid. well, i just learned that the murder rate is highest during the hottest part of the year and i get it. also it rules not to have to struggle to get out of bed knowing im not going to work at some money grubbing co-op that pretends to be a moral employer. but anyways, Im so fucking excited about the wedding! we rented a gazebo by a kyack/canoe boat ramp at cape san blas, and also rented a bunch of kyacks and canoes and were getting married on the beach by our moms/godmothers. hanging with a few lovely friends and fam by the water having a pot luck and snorkeling all day is my kind of wedding.small.cheap.fun.
this week my son has learned to crawl and it's pretty fun, and kinda scary cause he likes to try to get into absolutely everything. It's real cute cause he chases the cat all around the house till she finds safe places to perch out of his reach. I feel real boring so im getting off now. peace!

fancy tents keep tha beer cooler longer-

Yay for meeting mommies who arent scared to say fuck everyone without a kiddo!

how can you say this isnt the cutest fucking kid ever! He is so happy! even nice to assholes at parties! It's unheard of!

Yay for wedding invitations!

Fuck assholes that try to make me feel bad about ghetting married! Working a job and getting taxed and NOT getting married is fucking dumb! You ghet soooooo much more fucking money back! an fuck! whose right is it to judge someone over something fucking personal like that?! Does it hurt anyone? I dont think so, God damn, I used to think i hated almost everyone in the world and now I know I just hate Jocks, tha really rich, and pissass dirty left wing biker jock know it alls.
We'll all be dead in 20 years. Fucking Laugh assholes.

okay, i undeleted my journal for today, who knows what follows 2morow.
Im done wakin up and deleting drunk posts. no more drinking and bloggin-
'cept 4 2 night...
zombie mommie

I want botox!

I love Helana! I love Jimmy!

sometimes it rulez 2 show up at midnight sober as a joke...

happy times...

***************Fisher and Ryley************
xoxooxxooxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

tomorow punky kids, moms 'n nannies at Lake Hall!

A collard burrito with cheese, sour cream and salsa ended my juice fast today. It's actually the best ive ever done on a veggie cleanse-5 days raw veggies and 2 days homemade cabbage, carrot, celery, apple, watermelon, cantelope juice. My body feels amazing. My ulcer is almost a bad distant memory. I cheated a few times-coffee with chip, tha cheeb and a pot of stewed collards with quinoa. I call that victory.
I've been feeling a bit uptight about everything lately-Im totally bummed about feeling left out of everything, and at the same time when i actually go out it's usually nothing special and i leave thinking I will never be a part of this scene cause i just dont fit into it. I never really have, and i ve always had real low confidence about it-and now i can finally admit that there is usually no one for me to identify with, while out and about gaines/rr. I still havent been to st.micheals-but thats probably a good thing for me. I dont remember the last time i was in a bar-I think maybe big dadies for juicifer last year before i was preggo. Hmm.
Yeah. Boring, boring, boring.

check out the new stash!

now imagine it riding down the road in a 70's van with a boat on the back, The Band playing real loud, he gets out inn his cut off short shorts-also a dive knife strapped to his leg...
Im in love.

I wish tally had a period and flushed out all the assholes every month.